Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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