i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
