drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i already hear my dad disowning me
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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