My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize