You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
