you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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