If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
