It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
