Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
