i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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