At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
