On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
God, I missed his penis.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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