Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
