just come out here and I will go home with you...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
