I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
