For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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