What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
