Everything about him screamed your future.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
