I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I can't turn off my feet"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
