I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
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Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
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I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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