Swine flu is the new snow day.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
