i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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