the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
