people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
