Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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