i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
