LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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