GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
