I can text with my tongue
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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