btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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