When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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