Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize