you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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