im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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