honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
