im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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