I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
