my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
