Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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