I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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