we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize