i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I am spending my child support on dildos
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
