wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
