uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
