oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Sober January is a disaster.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
