Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
