Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
