We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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