Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
