week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
