we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
