FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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