I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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