beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
