I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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