yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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