Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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