How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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