I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
