doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i've created a new STD.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
