dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
