so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
