where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You just made me feel so damn special
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
