Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
