bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
