i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
