here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
