My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
