How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
