Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
