I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
