I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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