also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We just shotgunned beers for America
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Randomize
